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Sex Files: An Interview with Rachel Kramer Bussel
- Published April 25, 2008
Rachel Kramer Bussel is more than a “sexpert.” It would be more apt to describe her as a sexual curator, at the forefront of all things cutting edge sexy, from the educational to the entertaining. She wrote the famed “Lusty Lady” column for The Village Voice, and is currently the Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations. She has edited or co-edited more than 20 anthologies, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z, and the most recent Dirty Girls, and presents the monthly reading series In The Flesh, where she combines her zeal for naughty writing with her passion for cupcakes. You can read her regularly at her blog, Lusty Lady.
Growing up, what was the prevailing attitude about sex in your household?
I was raised by a single mom and I'd say the attitude toward sex was a very healthy one. It wasn't overly discussed but I certainly got those "What's Happening To Me?" books and never felt ashamed of my sexuality. It's a little funny because I was kind of a late bloomer, and didn't lose my virginity until right after high school, but I was always curious about it.
What's the most surprising thing you've learned about yourself while writing/talking/educating about sex?
I've learned to embrace both my slutty and prudish sides. Sure, I may randomly wind up giving a stranger a hand job in an airport while waiting for our flights, but I'm also a big dork and love cuddling and don't always want to have sex. I probably crave it less than people would expect. It doesn't have to be either/or and I don't have to push the envelope in my personal life in order to be a good sex writer.
Do you think women today feel more sexually empowered than our foremothers?
It would be easy to say yes to this, and in some ways, I think we are, but I also don't think we give our foremothers enough credit. The gutsy women in the various activist movements of the 60's, feminist and otherwise, were certainly trying to carve out a space for an authentic women's sexuality. There's more openness about things like sex toys and less stigma for women going after the sex they want (though that still exists), and I certainly hope women feel less ashamed of their sex drives, but women were looking at their cervixes and being swingers back in the day, too.
What is your personal definition of "sexy?"
To me, sexy is confidence and that indefinable spark. Sexy is knowing and believing that you're sexy; when people are too shy or too self-deprecating, attraction may allude them.
What is the most difficult part about sex being such a large presence in your work life?
Having people I date see me through a sexual lens, and those same people having access to a whole chunk of my sexual history via my writings. I love what I do but there's only so many times you can be someone's sexual "teacher" or the person they "want to live out their fantasies with" until it gets old. My dorky side doesn't come out enough in my work and that's way bigger than my "lusty lady" side.
What do you think is the most pressing sex/sexual health issue that needs to be addressed in this next election?
Sex education. It's sad that it's become this battle between abstinence-only and comprehensive sex ed, when teenagers really need honest answers. I think we should give them all the options and be honest about the real risks and rewards, instead of using insane scare tactics that confuse and alienate them, not to mention, don't work.
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